Self-confidence is one of those things that is required if you want to live a life of success.
It’s easy to fall victim to self-doubt when we hit failures from time to time, but we must not let that lower our belief in ourselves.
In this episode, Ben Naumann and I talk about how to improve your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Many entrepreneurs have so much belief in themselves and their abilities that they say you can take everything from them and they will be able to rebuild.
The secret to self-confidence
So what’s the secret to self-confidence? One tip that Ben and I have is to keep the promises you make to yourself.
It can be easy to set a New Years resolution that we quit on after 2 weeks. It can be easy to decide to get in shape and then skip the gym frequently.
If we slip into the habit of letting ourselves down, we will believe that our promises to ourselves are empty, and that will make changing our lives much more difficult.
You don’t have to go all in right away. If you want to get in shape and haven’t been working out at all, setting a goal to work out an hour every single day is going to be tough.
Start small. Go to the gym twice a week for 30 minutes each. Then build up to 3 times a week, and so on.
As you start to trust yourself again and know that you can keep promises you make to yourself, you will see everything else in your life also start to improve.
Like the saying goes,a rising tide lifts all boats.
Today’s post is inspiration to stop playing small. We are all guilty of this at times (myself included).
It’s cool to see that a lot of my podcast listeners look up to me like I’m some sort of celebrity or like I’ve already figured things out. But let me assure you that I’m only human… I also face moments in my life where I doubt my abilities and wonder if I have what it takes to achieve greatness.
There’s a quote I’ve heard that says “another level, another devil.” We constantly have challenges and as we become more successful, the problems we face just become larger.
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Are you playing small?
Do you talk yourself out of thinking or doing more? If you find yourself thinking “I’ve never done that,” or “I’m not sure if I’m ready,” you are setting yourself up for failure.
It’s the little voice of self-doubt that makes us want to play it safe, to sit back, to stay comfortable. It’s that little voice that says “just keep your job, it’s safe, it’s what you know.”
However, that little voice, if we let it, can cripple us and destroy our dream before they truly have a chance to materialize.
Success leaves clues
Success leaves clues, and you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Others who have come before us have achieved the levels of success that we sometimes think we are not capable of achieving.
But that should be enough to inspire us. If anybody ever accomplished something, you can, too. Be sure to surround yourself with mentors who are doing the things you want to do.
See how you can add value to them so that they take you under their wing and are more willing to go out of their way to mold you into success.
Achieve the impossible
On May 6, 1954, something incredible happened. You may have heard of Roger Bannister. If not, prepare to be amazed.
Prior to this date, it was thought to be impossible for a human to run a mile in less than 4 minutes. People thought that your heart would literally explode.
So, for decades, the feat was never accomplished. On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke a 4 minute mile, achieving what was thought of previously as impossible.
The crazy thing is that after he did that, several others started to accomplish that same feat shortly after.
Once others knew it was possible, they started to achieve the same feat!
The point I’m trying to make here is to look to others who inspire you. Realize that many goals you think are “out there” for you were also seemingly impossible to others who have achieved them.
You, too, can achieve the impossible. It all starts by understanding that things you consider “impossible” are actually possible and have been achieved before.
“Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.” – Winston Churchill
Let’s face it. To get to the ultimate level, no matter what it is you do, you have to be competent and confident with your presentation and communication skills.
You might be able to get away with getting clients through online ads and sales funnels, but if you really want to be a big brand or entrepreneur, chances are you’ve got to get comfortable with being in front of crowds.
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Long story short, communication is important. How you say something is arguably more important than what you say.
If there was a single thing of highest importance, it would be to focus on your tonality (vocal variety). Some people can be so monotone and BORING (I’ve been guilty of this).
What NOT to do
I found a video I made for a college class… it’s pretty cringe-worthy. Watch my YouTube video or listen to the podcast to get a feel for it.
I was trying to do a deep voice, was extremely monotone, and quite frankly I’m pretty embarrassed that the video even exists. However, I’m willing to share it so that you can learn what NOT to do.
Listen to how I currently speak when compared to that video.
Tips to Improve Communication
I found a few top articles on Google that shared tips on how to improve communication.
Use Your Optimal Pitch for a Healthy, Powerful Voice
Make Your Voice More Expressive and Interesting
Use pitch inflection (raising the tone of a word or phrase in terms of the musical scale)
Practice Exercises for Precise and Crisp Articulation
Whatever you say will sound more intelligent and elegant if your diction is good—if your speech is crisp and articulate.
Example: Say the word “Government” (did you pronounce the first “n”?)
www.TheAccidentalCommunicator.com says that tonality is really what matters. A celebrity voice coach, Roger Love, shares the opinion that tonality controls up to 40% of whether or not a person who is listening to you will believe what you are saying. The key: don’t speak in a monotone voice.
Listen to the podcast
It takes more work to transfer energy through audio alone as opposed to in video or in person. To get somebody excited requires some passion behind the message.
You could have the most important or interesting topic ever, but if you present it in a way that does not engage or excite your audience, they will not retain that information.
You probably know this for yourself. Anytime you click on a YouTube video or start a podcast that has fuzzy audio or where the speaker is super dry, you probably exit out, right? Exactly. So make sure you are not speaking in a way that would bore others to death.
Practice Makes Perfect
As always, practice makes perfect. Record yourself speaking into a microphone or even the Voice Memo app on your iPhone if you have one. Better yet, throw a camera up in front of you and record yourself speaking.
How do you look? How do you sound? We all have room for improvement, but as you do this more and more often, you’ll be able to perfect the way you communicate and present yourself to others via video, audio, or in person.
There’s a cartoon that shows two guys with pickaxes that are digging a tunnel to find diamonds. One of the guys has given up and has turned around, pickax thrown over his shoulder, and his head down.
He doesn’t realize that he is inches from breaking through, but we, the viewers, can see that he’s so close.
That’s how seeking success can be for us at times. We feel like we’ve put in enough time and effort and that we should be further than we are now. But what we might not know is that the breakthrough is about to arrive.
Check out the video
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I’m currently reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Jeff mentions how it’s the small, seemingly insignificant things that start to compound and build momentum in our lives. Sometimes, things we’ve done to get to where we are now can seem so unimportant and easy to do that we end up NOT doing them.
Just like how doing things right over time can start to build success, doing the wrong things or failing to stay consistent can cause us to backslide.
When we “skip a workout” or “have a cheat meal” more and more often, those little things start to build up. Then a year later, we wonder what the heck happened to our abs.
Travel back in time
A fun exercise is to look at memories either in your Instagram archive or Facebook memories to see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished.
I see memories from a few years ago showing me doing things I cringe at now, like playing 4 hours of Xbox or being so drunk I didn’t remember the end of the night before.
I have come so incredibly far. I’ve gotten into real estate, I just passed my Texas real estate license exam, I’ve filed a patent, etc. I’ve stopped drinking almost entirely. I’ve started to wake up earlier. I like what I see!
Do you like the growth you see?
I’m hoping that you love the growth that you see. Now, if you look at your history and archive and notice that you are kind of stuck in the same place you were a few years ago, it might be time to set some goals and level up.
Sometimes, we feel like we’re doing all this work and that we’re just stuck in place with wheels spinning.
But realize the power of the slight edge. Like the continuous force water has to cut through rock and eventually become something like the Grand Canyon, the little things we do every day matter, and they matter a lot.
To borrow a few lines from the book:
What you do today matters. What you do every day matters.
“We always overestimate the change that will occur in the next two years and underestimate the change that will occur in the next ten. Don’t let yourself be lulled into inaction.” – Bill Gates
Try the exercise I mentioned of looking back a year, or 5 years, or more if you can. Social media platforms make it easy to look back on memories, which is always neat.
Hopefully, you’ve come really far! If you’ve come a long way in the last few years, let that motivate you to set bigger, better goals and continue the momentum.
If you’re kind of in the same spot… it’s time to level up.
Maybe you need to get some new friends, reach up to people in places you want to be in. You might have to leave the party-goer friends behind, or minimize time spent with them.
Take massive action as always. And remember that you are closer to success than you think.
Today I want to talk about Impostor Syndrome… it’s something that every entrepreneur or growth seeking individual will feel at some point. If anyone denies it, they are most likely lying.
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If you haven’t heard of the term before, Impostor Syndrome is when you have that feeling like you’re a fraud. It’s when you kind of smile and act like things are going great on social media or when people ask about the business you started when you haven’t made a single dollar or sale yet.
The feeling overcomes you when you’re trying to pitch or sell your first client knowing damn well that you won’t make any money if you can’t close the deal.
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It’s tough out there making your dreams happen! We feel like we’ve got to act like we’re successful and that we’re already where we want to be before we’re really there.
An article on Time says that an estimated 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives.
I’m convinced that we are all affected by it. I totally struggle with Impostor Syndrome. I like to keep it real and be very honest and humble. I let people know that my awesome invention idea has made no money and that it was a $40,000+ science experiment that I’ve kind of put on the shelf right now.
I’m definitely nowhere near where I want to be. Like AT ALL. I can’t afford a Lamborghini (YET). But my MINDSET and my THINKING are on the millionaire level… I joke with my accountability that I’m already a millionaire. My bank account just doesn’t know it yet!
Instead of saying “I can’t afford a Lamborghini” I think “HOW can I afford it?” And the “how” is through my entrepreneurial pursuits, mainly real estate currently since I’ve put the invention idea aside for the time being.
While I like to sprinkle in bits and pieces of my life and journey with you, I don’t just want to talk about me. This message is FOR YOU so that you can get to the next level.
First of all, let’s take three deep breaths together. Life is stressful and crazy. We don’t need to be killing ourselves and freaking out because we are not on track to hit our annual goals.
I’m not joking about the three breaths. Do it right now.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Feel better? Okay, know that right now, you are exactly where you need to be. Maybe you’re not as far as you thought you’d be by now. Trust me, that’s me, 100%. I’m behind on my goals, but at least I’m on TRACK. I have not given up and never will.
Be “proud, but never satisfied.” Being satisfied leads to complacency. It’s important to be grateful for all you’ve experienced and accomplished, but remember to stay hungry for more. Continue to push for the next level. And believe me, there is always another level.
One of my recent posts on Instagram had a long caption but started off by saying “life’s too short to not do what you love.”
If you’re doing what you love right now full-time, congratulations, you’re ahead of many! If you’re stuck doing something you hate, working a job that doesn’t excite you, or for a boss that drains your soul, use that as fuel to your inner fire.
Build up your savings, start making some investments, and work to build your escape vehicle so that you can move towards a life that you don’t need vacation from.
Believe it or not, everyone at every level fears losing what they’ve built. We all fear failure. Even virtual mentors that I have, who are millionaires, have admitted this during interviews.
It’s not like you magically get to a certain level where you can relax and turn down the effort. Once you achieve your goals, you set new ones.
Even with this podcast for example, to be completely honest, I had no idea where it would go. I just started recording podcasts, staying consistent and just letting it out into the wild without any idea of what was going to happen with it.
I remember being excited in January 2018 when I hit 125 downloads. A year later, my January 2019 downloads exceeded 19,000! Even now, 19,000 downloads a month seems like it’s not enough. A five year goal of mine is to grow to 100,000 monthly downloads. Once I get there, I’ll raise the bar again.
All I knew is that if I put in the work and kept doing the time and putting in the effort, that something would happen. It had to. I had hopes that the show would grow, but had no idea that it would snowball to what it is today.
Sometimes I have that feeling of “yeah, I’m a badass! I have this great podcast following and it keeps growing each month. I’m the man!”
Other times, thoughts creep in like “who am I to have a podcast? I’m not even successful yet.” Or “I don’t even have 1,000 Instagram followers… everyone who goes to follow me from my podcast will realize that I’m a fake.”
But then, I realize that I need to silence that voice. Everyone starts at 0. Winners start each day at 0 regardless of how many goals they’ve crushed. There’s always room for growth and improvement, I promise you.
Another important thing to remember is that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. It’s easy to scroll through Instagram for 10 minutes and feel depressed and behind as hell.
Everyone else is living their best life, and it can seem like we’re not. The only competition we have is with our previous selves. If you’re getting better than you were yesterday, you’re doing just fine.
Look at David Goggins. The dude lived in silence without being known for years! He was just doing his thing. Now, he’s a seemingly “overnight sensation,” and has been interviewed by people such as Tom Bilyeu with Impact Theory and Jay Shetty. As of the time of this recording, the guy has 1.3M followers. He’s such a boss, that he follows 0 people back on Instagram.
I have so many friends and contacts that reach out saying “man Chris you are killing it I’m so happy for you.” I’ve kind of smiled and been like “thanks!” when I am still trying to figure out how to get consistent real estate deals to bring in that income.
We all experience self-doubt:
Am I really good enough to do this?
Am I really qualified?
Should I be making this sale?
I don’t even know if I would buy this product from someone like me in this position
It’s a grind. We have to stay on the hustle. Get any self-doubt and limiting beliefs OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I stay extremely positive, sharing my message with the world rain or shine.
Next time you’re thinking “am I really the right person for this job” or “can I do this?”, change your thinking.
Tell yourself empowering affirmations like “I am the rightperson for this job. I am totally qualified. I have the experience. I’ve done the work. I have a proven method. Here are the results of the thing that I’m selling.”
You need to say these affirmations and believe them 100%. Grant Cardone talks about this when it comes to selling. You need to fully believe in what you’re selling or you aren’t going to be great at selling it. If you don’t even have that product if you don’t completely support it, then you’re not going to do a good job selling it, because you don’t truly believe in it.
You need to be the type of person who loves whatever you’re selling, whatever you’re pitching, and whatever you’re doing, because that love and that passion is going to show when you’re talking about it to others.
I like to think that this authenticity shows in my podcast and content. I post it because I love it and want to post about it. Sometimes you’ve got to do these “labors of love” without expecting any money in return. Like the saying goes, help enough people get what they want, and you will get what you want.
When you are passionate about something, it’s going to show. You’re going to have that authenticity. And the person on the other side isn’t going to feel like you’re just trying to sell them to make a commission. They will buy into your product and buy into YOU because they will start to connect with you and trust you.
So anyways, that’s my message for today. Do what you love. Do it well. Do the best you possibly can on whatever it is that you do. Sometimes, you have to do some stuff you don’t love to pay the bills until you can get whatever you do love to start making some money and support you. We all feel like impostors from time to time. We have to silence the inner voice of doubt and affirm to ourselves that we are the right person for the task at hand. We are capable of anything.
Just do you. Keep pushing, and give it your best. Get around positive and uplifting people that motivate and inspire you. That’s all we can do.
Pay no attention to the little voice in your head that says you aren’t qualified, or that you won’t make it. Focus on your WHY and you will find the HOW.
We all fear failing. But find solace in the fact that each loss brings you one step closer to a win. View failures as stepping stones to the next success. And then your fear of failure starts to decrease.
Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. And do what you feel is right. Of course, surround yourself with some people who have found success in whatever it is you want to be successful in. Success begets success.
You are exactly where you need to be. – me (today). I’m sure others have said this before, but I’m taking credit for it today!
Identify 3 limiting beliefs you tell yourself or that you have had recently and squash them.
Think of a time when you accomplished something that you thought you would fail at. Use this as fuel and PROOF that if you’ve done it before, you can absolutely do it again.
The next time you are feeling like an imposter, like a fake, remember this episode and what we talked about today. We all have those feelings from time to time. Think about what your future, best self would do, and then take the actions necessary to move forward.
At the Arete Syndicate Live event, Ryan Stewman, known as “the Hardcore Closer” made the audience do an amazing exercise. I’d like to share it with you. I had goosebumps after it…
If you’re at home or work, try to do this right now. If you’re driving or on the treadmill, seriously consider coming back and doing this later.
Stand up and close your eyes. While keeping your eyes closed, turn your head to the right.
Picture the best version of yourself.
What is your perfect self wearing?
What kind of shape is your best self in?
What kind of watch are you wearing?
Ok, are you ready to get goosebumps? While keeping your eyes closed, take a step to the right, into the shoes of your perfect self.
Do you feel empowered? Happy? Motivated?
Trust me… 1000 attendees at the event did this at the same time and it was incredible. I hope you enjoyed that exercise. I know I did. It’s certainly worth incorporating into a morning routine.